Wisdom

Over the past couple of years and more recently, the past several weeks, the lesson of delegation and allowing others to help me has been an eye opening experience. To say the least, very humbling.

In the past, I have been one to be very independent and shamedly, I admit to being prideful in thinking I could to all things by myself and have always tried to avoid being a burden to others. Since my diagnosis in 2009, I battled with fatigue on a daily basis (sleeping, many times 2-3 hours during the day and all through the night). Which really didn't leave me much time to do my daily wife, mother, and friend activities. Lately, I have slowly noticed that I have begun to get fatigued a little quicker than before my radiation.

I have had to learn to lean on others for support. When God lead His people out of Egypt, across the wilderness, and eventually commanded them to move their camp from Mount Sinai by Moses; Moses addressed the people of Israel and said (as he mentioned before to them), "You are too great a burden for me to carry all by myself. (Deuteronomy 1:9) He then asked the tribes to choose men from each tribe that had wisdom, understanding, and a good reputation and he would appoint them as their leaders.

Moses recognized the significant importance of using wisdom to delegate responsibility to others, as he knew that he was unable to carry the tremendous burden of leading a nation by himself. As in our case, at the moment, the day to day activities could be a burden, but over the past couple of years we have learned to allow others to use their God given talents and abilities to bless us.

Someone once insisted and insisted to help me and I eventually relented as they told me that "I was stealing their blessing from them, if I didn't allow them to help me." I had never thought of my decision as "stealing a blessing" from someone. Once I saw the perspective from their point of view, it gave me a whole new appreciation of allowing others to care for and help us; and almost instantaneously I felt a burden lifted off my shoulders. For my intentions were never to take away from others, but for them not to be burdened by me.

God has instilled wisdom in each and everyone of us; allow Him to guide you in every decision you make. Especially understand that by sharing responsibilities with others you are allowing each and every individual to exercise their God given gifts. Be like Moses, recognize you cannot do it all by yourself. The Lord has given each and everyone of us strengths and where we fall short, others are there to help "fill in the gaps."

On a side note, day 20 of my radiation vacation was yesterday...so today is day 21. All continues to go well, I am super excited that they have lowered my steroid dosages (don't remember if I mentioned before that they weren't allowing me to sleep, despite given several different sleeping meds); all that to say, I can now sleep through the night without waking up with the help of a different sleeping med. I am hopeful that I will soon be weaned off the steroids completely; therefore, I can stop taking these sleeping meds.