Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Aarrggghhh! and then anger and frustration. Those are the words and emotions that ran rampant in me for the past couple of days. I go through moments of peace and then I begin to allow the enemy to steal my peace by dwelling on the dreaded words, "radiation is the only choice." Those were the words of my neurooncologist on Tuesday.
He told Aaron and me that the cancer was spreading and that he could only offer us radiation as the next step. Even though I know God had prepared my heart for that moment throughout this past week; it seemed as if those words just pierced my heart to hear them from Dr. Yung's mouth. Maybe some part of me just wanted to be in denial of what I felt God was speaking to me. Maybe it was that I was hoping that Dr. Yung would just tell me that the cancer was gone, but whatever the case, Tuesday's conversation was not one that was pleasant for us.
Now that I am in the midst of this raging sea, I am reminded in Psalm 29:10-11 "The LORD rules over the floodwaters. The LORD reigns as king forever. The LORD gives his people strength. The LORD blesses them with peace."
I have had to go back and read my previous blogs to remind myself of how God has revealed His mighty power through miracles in my life. To remind me of how faithful He has been to His promises and to remind me that the same power that raised Christ from the dead is available to help me in my daily struggles.
Even though I have felt angry and frustrated because this choice was not one that I ever wanted to be a consideration, but it is the path that we chose to go down. I have chosen to draw strength from my Father God. I have chosen to not fear or worry through this difficult trial, but to pray about everything, tell God what I need, and then thank Him for all He has done in my life (Philipians 4:6). For by doing this I can experience what Philipians 4:7 speaks of, "God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand."
Speaking of true peace=God's peace. God's peace is different from worldly peace for it is not found in positive thinking, in absence of conflict, nor in good feelings. It comes from knowing that God is in control of all things, every situation, every trial, and every wave that may come raging upon you. Our Father God is there to guide your every step and to give you wisdom and true peace. Allow His peace to guard your heart and mind as you go through trials and tribulations today.
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